


Permission to Love

by Ravendite



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, FBAWTFT, Jealous Newt Scamander, Jealousy, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 22:37:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15277683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravendite/pseuds/Ravendite
Summary: Years ago you were in love with your best friend Newt and he rejected you. Now, years later y’all are living in New York and Newt acts strange when you bring men home. Things get more confusing when Queenie sets you up on a serious date. Why is Newt so tense? And how will it affect your relationship?





	1. Chapter 1

Rejection felt like ice water running down your body, and you’d just gotten another bucket dumped on you. And that was your experience with romance was rejection: pursuit that ended with rejection.

You still remembered, quite clearly, the way he had tried to avoid you when you told him, the way he’d tried to avoid having the conversation, avoid rejecting you. You remembered how he had stuttered and looked away and the ice cold feeling of rejection washing over you.

“Leta?” you asked him. He nodded, still not meeting your eyes.

That was a year ago though. You’d long since gotten over it and moved past it and accepted that the handsome, sweet Newt Scamander was your friend. Nothing more. Your friendship had survived that quite fine. You suppressed your feelings and stayed friends, even after Leta broke his heart, you comforted him, but never made a move. And now, y'all were close again, roommates, both working in New York-him as a magizooligist, you in the ministry-and you had rented an apartment together, right next to Queenie and Tina Goldstein.

Your crush on him was forgotten, your thoughts of him as anything more than your friend a distant memory, but that feeling of rejection wasn’t quite a distant memory to your heart, which is why you were so receptive to when men pursued you. It had started a month after you had moved to New York.

______________

Newt had come to visit you at work for lunch, because he’d caught the creature early.

Y'all went to a restaurant right outside your office and you encountered one of your coworkers when Newt went up to grab some more drinks.

“Hey Y/N,” Malcolm said as he slid down into the seat Newt had previously occupied.

“Hi Malcolm,” you said smiling at him.

“Wow. You look even more beautiful today than normal. Why is the beautiful new girl sitting all by herself?” he asked, reaching across the table to touch you. Suddenly Newt cleared his throat. You saw him standing over Malcolm with a strange look in his eye.

“Actually, she’s not. She’s not alone. She’s with me.” Newt said, slamming the trays down onto the table.

Malcolm’s eyes widened as he backed away.

“I’m eating with him. That’s what he meant. I’m not eating lunch alone; I’m eating lunch with him. He’s my best friend. He’s visiting me for lunch.” You explained.

Malcolm smiled.

“So…he’s just a friend?” he asked.

“He can speak for himself.” He muttered.

“Yes.” You said.

“You’re single?” Malcolm asked again.

You nodded.

“To whomever it may concern…” you started coyly.

“It’s none of anyone’s concern,” Newt muttered once again under his breath.

“Yes I am single.” You said.

Malcolm smiled and grabbed your hand as he stood to leave.

“Well that is delightful to know. I’ll keep an eye out for you, help you get acquainted to the office.” He said with a smile as he walked away.

Newt rolled his eyes.

“What’s with that guy?” he said.

You shook your head, choosing to ignore the fact that it was actually Newt who was acting strange.

The second one was John. Everything had been going great between you. He’d started flirting with you, and being high up in the ministry, he used his money to flirt. He bought you many lovely gifts, bracelets, necklaces, pens, he left them on your desk. You were delighted. Then he started sending gifts to the apartment.

You and Newt were walking into the apartment one evening. His face was lit up as he excitedly told you about his day. His face was bright red from the cold as you climbed the stairs to the apartment. As you eared the door, you saw a brilliant splash of red against the door.

Newt slowly tapered off and you gasped as you got closer. It was a beautiful bouquet of red roses. You squealed and excitedly opened the card. It was a beautiful love poem, signed from John in big letters. Newt looked over your shoulder and glimpsed the note. You turned around to him with a big smile on your face. You didn’t notice that his cheeks were no longer red, but paler. His eyes weren’t bright anymore. He wasn’t smiling.

“I’m going to visit Tina.” He said, retreating.

You nodded and waved at him, putting the flowers in a vase as you got inside. When the flowers merely a few days later, you shrugged it off. You’d found John charming, but there was no deep attraction. You knew he had mainly enjoyed the chase and after y'all had both gotten what you wanted. You didn’t notice, that the petals had been eaten and that the stalks of the roses had bowtruckle teeth marks. You didn’t notice Pickett climbing out of the roses just as you pulled them out of the vase to put them in the trash. And because you didn’t notice that, you didn’t make the connection to the Hufflepuff who might’ve fed your roses to the bowtruckles; you wouldn’t have wondered why he’d done it.


	2. To Whom it May Concern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions rise between you and Newt over your relationships. Newt gets upset when you bring home a male friend to your apartment. When he runs to the Goldstein's apartment they decide to brainstorm a solution to what they think the problem is.

Newt slammed the door to the Goldstein’s apartment, trying to ignore the man that was in his own apartment.

He slammed his fist into the wall, trying to release his frustration.

“Newt?” Tina asked, walking into the room, startled by the noise.

Newt turned, flustered.

“Hi. Sorry about that. I umm.” He stammered, trying to find an excuse for his aggression.

Tina just rubbed his back comfortingly.

“Why don’t you talk to me?” she asked.

He just shook his head and muttered, annoyed.

“He’ll be gone in the morning though.” He said. To him it was a comfort. The guys you flirted with never lasted more than a week and that was a comfort to him. He knew that he had no right to, but he hated when you were with other men. It made him feel angry and sick and sad, very, very sad. And each time it ended, he felt relieved, as though he knew he hadn’t lost you yet.

“Is this about Y/N?” Tina asked.

Newt nodded, his mind far away.

“The guys she brings home?”

Newt nodded again.

“You worried?” Tina asked.

Newt nodded, leaning into the side of the couch and closing his eyes.

He was asleep by the time Jacob came in.

“Hey. What’s he doing here again? Don’t get me wrong I’m happy to see him, but when he’s in here like this, late at night, something’s wrong.” He said.

“Yes. I figured it out. He finally told me. It’s Y/N.”

“Y/N? How so?” Jacob asked.

“She’s always flirting with men and bringing them home, which is disruptive to Newt’s sleep, but he’s also worried about her. I think he wants her to be happy and find someone she can settle down with.” Tina said.

Jacob nodded.

“Ok then, well I know what we can do.” Jacob said.

___________________

You were quite surprised when the handsome man with blue eyes started showing an interest in you. His name was James. You knew from Tina’s smirk and all of the times that she’d passed by you when you two were together, but you liked him.

You fell into the familiar pattern with him, but this time it was different. Something was still missing, but you felt a little more. That’s what you thought as you woke up next to him in the morning and didn’t immediately kick him out.

You pulled on a silky, sheer robe and got up to make breakfast, considering letting him stay, at least for breakfast. You didn’t notice the presence behind you.

*******

Newt stumbled out of his case, where he’d fallen asleep. He couldn’t remember if he’d gone in with the intent to work, or if he’d gone in with the intent to escape the unwanted visitor in his apartment, and the unwanted noises and he’d just started working and complaining to his creatures, but he’d fallen asleep down there in the couch and now he was hungr- He stopped cold as he approached the kitchen and saw you.

He froze, taking in the sight. You were standing there in a sheer nightgown and he could see you. Your body. Your skin, looking so soft and supple. The curves of your ass and your thighs. He could see all the way up your legs and down your back, only covered by the dewy layer of fabric. You turned slightly and he could see the smooth skin of your stomach and the slope of your breasts. He felt his body heating up and his pants tightening as he thought of all the things he wanted to do. To reach out and touch and feel your soft skin and hold you in his arms and kiss-

He hadn’t realized he was stepping forward, until he stopped as someone brushed by him. He looked at the man, handsome by most women’s standards, and shirtless. The man strode into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Y/N. His Y/N.

This man wrapped his arms around you and kissed your neck. He did exactly what Newt had wanted to do. An unfamiliar feeling roared within him.

“Excuse me. I am not in the mood for strangers in my home right now. I’m not in the mood for these PDA scenes-just…get out.” Newt said.

The man was startled and he went to Y/N’s room. When he came out, he was fully dressed. He waved at Y/N and exited.

Y/N turned to him.

“What the hell was that?” you asked.

Newt just ran his hands through his hair and sunk to the kitchen table, overwhelmed by the mix of emotions, but among them was relief. The guy was gone. He had dodged a bullet. You weren’t with someone else…but as he remembered your face two years ago, as he remembered walking away from you, it dawned on him that he had no right to be relieved. He felt guilty as he ate the breakfast you had started cooking for the other man.


	3. Permission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt is not satisfied with Queenie's solution to the problem. He becomes even more distraught when he finds out how serious things are getting.

You were surprised that you weren’t through with James; He was captivating. Something was missing, but you liked him more than you’d liked anyone else you’d dated recently. It felt the closest you were going to get. You went home, gushing about this man who’d sparked your interest. Tina was gushing and overflowing with excitement. She pulled you to sit on the couch and tell her all about him and how things were going with you.

You were so excited, and so excited about her excitement, that you didn’t notice the way that Newts face fell, across the room. He looked up from writing his book and stared at you with broken, forlorn eyes.

James had done everything the other guys had done and more. You had never been as excited about any of the others. He felt like you were slipping away from him. He desperately held onto the hope that this would taper out like the others.

“He asked me out on a date this Saturday. He promised that this would be a first in a series of amazing dates and I’m so excited.” You said.

He remembered the way that the man had held you. That man, James, had wrapped his arms around you as you cooked him breakfast, like you were his. And that thought, the realization that you were resolutely slipping away from him, it snapped. With that, that hope shattered. And a burst of anger and possessiveness that had pent up from all the other guys broke through.

“I forbid you from going out with that opportunistic prick!” Newt yelled.

Everyone in the room turned and stared at him, shocked at his outburst. Even he seemed shocked at his outburst, his face turning red in disbelief.

A burst of emotion flared up inside of you, mixed emotions and indignance.

“Excuse you. I don’t need your permission.” You spat at him, indignant, but mostly surprised.

Newt stood abruptly and retreated back to your apartment. Queenie follow him. You stood up but Tina pulled you back down.

“Give him a minute. You shouldn’t go into a conversation with your best friend this mad.” She said, as Queenie followed him, but sitting down only gave you time to stew on your thoughts.

You remembered vividly, his face as you confessed your feelings. He’d tried to get away because he knew what you were about to say. He’d been uncomfortable with your feelings for him, too busy with Leta. And now, now when you’d moved on he was telling you who you couldn’t date. The pain of that rejection washed back over you as you sat down thinking…but why? Why did he care what you did?

You stood up, slipping out of Tina’s grasp as you stalked into your apartment.

Newt and Queenie sat on the couch. He looked distraught as he stammered out explanations for the thoughts she could read.

“I need to talk to him. Alone.” You said.

Queenie slowly stood up and gave Newt a meaningful look before she walked through the adjoining door to her apartment.

For a few moments, you sat in tense silence.

“I don’t need your permission. For anything I do. And that means you’ll let me be and not be rude to anyone I choose to bring home.” You said.

Newt clenched his fists.

“Well this is my home too, so I think I do have a say in who stays in here and if I don’t want strange men in my home then that’s my right. No strange men. No naked men. Except for me of course. Cause it’s my apartment.” He said, his cheeks turning red. The anger that he felt towards all the men that you’d brought home was coming up in his bitter words.

“Fine then. I’ll just go to their place.” You said.

He looked like he’d been punched.

“No,” he choked out quietly.

As much as he didn’t like this, he hated, he couldn’t stand the thought of you in another man’s home, in another man’s bed.

“That’s not really what this is about is it?” you said, crossing your arms and crossing the room.

He looked up at you, his green eyes filled with so much emotion.

“You know it isn’t.” he breathed.

He walked closer to you and suddenly, you were seized within a hurricane of emotion. The love you felt for him years ago, the things you’d gotten over, and now the rejection resurfaced.

“Y/N this…this hurts I hate seeing you with other men and I don’t want you dating him because I can’t stand the thought of losi-”

Suddenly the ice cold feeling of rejection was prominent and you remembered how he had hurt you.

“Stop.” You told him. The memory of the pain was most prominent in the confusion.

“You chose her.” You said.

“I loved you. And you love her. And you chose her.”

His eyes filled with regret.

“I don’t love her anymore. I swear it. I-I made the wrong choice. Y/N. I’m sorry, but if you give me a chance I lo-”

You pressed your finger to his lips, silencing him.

“No. Newt. I loved you. Past tense. Back then. I-I confessed to you, I gave you a chance. I loved you through all of Hogwarts, all throughout school. And then I got over you. It took so long to get to this place, this good place where you’re my best friend, nothing less, nothing more. It took a long time to get to this. Where I felt good. Where we are good-” you said.

Newt backed away from you.

“I’m sorry. For everything. I wish I could go back and choose differently. But this isn’t good. This isn’t good to me.” He said, then he walked away.


	4. Permission to Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your date with James tells you what you need to know and helps you make your choice about who and how to love.

You hadn’t really talked to each other for most of the week. You refused to acknowledge Newt’s feelings in your mind, afraid of what those feelings made you feel. You tried to continue with things as they were before but you couldn’t.

James no longer cut it for you. Suddenly, he no longer seemed…quite enough, quite as much as he had been before. Suddenly his blue eyes seemed gray, not quite birght compared to seafoam blue green.

His mannerisms were strict and stiff and professional and utterly boring. He worked a boring office job that didn’t excite him or you as he droned on about it. He lacked passion. He spoke with little empathy for people and as he stepped over people who needed help. You couldn’t pull your mind away from the man who loved his job so much that his eyes sparkled and he was fun and passionate and compassionate and he made everything, even just outings to the city, adventures. He was kind and compassionate and suddenly, as the possibility of him presented itself, your heart latched on and you couldn’t get him out of your heart, out of your head. You couldn’t help but compare and think that James fell short.

As you dressed for your date, a week later, Newt came out his room reluctantly. His eyes melted when he saw you.

“You look so beautiful.” He breathed.

“Thank you.” You said, as you left.

“Too beautiful for him.” Newt said as you closed the door.

You could tell as soon as you got to the restaurant that it wasn’t there. All you felt was…nothing, when you thought of James. You tried to muster excitement or connection, but all you felt was a pull in the opposite direction, at home, to the person that was waiting for you there.

Usually, Newt took care of his animals, but tonight, it almost seemed like the roles were reversed as Dougal sat next to Newt rubbing his head and listening intently to the heartbroken magizzologist.

Newt sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

“We aren’t fighting. We…we had a discussion and she was right. I don’t have the right to tell her who she can and cannot be with. I don’t have the right to feel this way.”

He sighed and buried his face in his hands.

“Last year, when we were at Hogwarts, she told me she loved me. The most amazing woman in the world loved me. And she told me. And I was stupid. I was being stupid and Leta was playing with my heart and she had me convinced, so convinced that I turned away from the amazing girl who’d been there all that time. I turned away from her and it was fine at first. She got over it and our friendship was fine so I thought everything was fine…but then I started to fall in love with her. No. I realized I’d been in love with her along and…I ruined it. I made the wrong decision. And now, I have to watch her with other men and it hurt but having to watch the woman you love fall in love with someone else-and and having no right to feel that way! I realized that I hurt her.” He said, almost curling in on himself.

“I don’t know what to do. How to…how to deal with this. I could’ve had everything I now want and I chose not to.” He said, leaning against his furry friend.

“Maybe you still can.” You said.

He jumped, his face flushing red as he saw you, looking gorgeous, still in your outfit from your date.

“Y/N! Hi. I didn’t know you were here what are you doing here you didn’t hear all that how long have you been there? Ummm How was the date? How long have you been standing there?” he asked.

You walked towards him.

“Long enough.”

Dougal’s eyes glowed as you came closer. He pushed Newt towards you and pointed to the shed. Newt nodded and walked there beside you. His face was turbulent as he processed everything and you fought the urge to grab his hand.

“You’re not on your date.” He said.

You nodded.

“You’re here.” He said, touching your fingers hesitantly.

“Yes. This….this is where I’d rather be. Where I needed to be. Here. With you.” You said.

His eyes sparked with a bit of hope.

“You said earlier that maybe I still can. Did you mean that there’s still a chance? For us?” he asked, his eyes light with a ray of hope.

“Yes. I’m sorry. It hurt when you rejected me the first time and I closed myself off to the possibility of being with you, but once that opened up again I couldn’t get you out of my head, out of my heart. I don’t want to be with anyone but you otherwise I’m settl-”

He cut you off with a kiss, gently pressing his lips to yours. You melted into the kiss, melted into his arms, until he pulled away breathless.

“I love you Y/N. I’ve always loved you. I was stupid and I should’ve known better but I know now. And I love you and I won’t let you go.” He said. Then he leaned in and kissed you again, and everything was just right, it felt just right. This didn’t feel like other kisses.

He pulled you close, pressing his body against yours as you tangled your fingers in his hair and finally enjoyed the love that you hadn’t given yourself permission to feel. You let yourself fall into him and through the kiss you realized the love all over again, and this time you gave yourself permission. You gave your heart permission to love.


End file.
